I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
