I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
