Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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