And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's always time for handjobs
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
