I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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