we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
