No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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