i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
