Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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