i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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