I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
