so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
