Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
