I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
