My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
