bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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