You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i came on her dog
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
