I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
