I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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