We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize