Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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