Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
