You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
