well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
