She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
