Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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