I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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