Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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