Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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