Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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