I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
