I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
