I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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