just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
