i jhust puked up my retainher.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
