I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
