You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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