if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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