I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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