Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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