Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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