meet me or not, i'm out of control
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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