remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
