so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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