Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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