i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
