I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
