Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
