I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
