someone threw a dead crab at me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
