Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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