My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sober January is a disaster.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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