i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
