I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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