I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
