I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
