Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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