About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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