Can Purell be used as lube?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
