You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
