R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
