I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
