the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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