How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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