Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
