PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
